Thursday, January 28, 2010

New Work Up at FRiGG, The Tehelka Festivus Miracle Extended Remix, The Artist Formerly Known as The Artist and Apologies

1. FRiGG's eagerly-awaited Law & Order Issue is finally up and live and kicking people in the jaw because it is very awesome. It has creepy dolls in it. This alone ups the awesomeness quotient significantly. I am soveryhappy to have a story in this issue called Notes Made in Connnection with the Disappearance of a Boy Outside the Tropicool Icy-Land Urban Indian Slum as Investigated by the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

2. The Tehelka Festivus Miracle continues to spread its tentacles of miracles even after the Festivus season has left the building. We are honored to receive photographic proof of this most haut and holy Tehelka Festivus Miracle which makes people smile and hold up magazines at the same time.

This louly lady once had jaundice and a pet shrimp called Caesar. She also lived in a "tree house", which was really just a collection of leaves tied together with string which had no door and she lived in this thing and it caused her mother much grief and hyperventilation and missed heartbeats. We are pleased to see that not only is she holding the magazine very effectively, she seems to be in much better lodgings which actually have walls.

This handsome man once had dengue fever and does not like to be called Bopsie. We also know that he is an ex-DJ and that he is often mistaken for "that Telegu actor" though which Telegu actor, we cannot say. He is holding the magazine so effectively that it has caused the ends of his mustaches to curl up ever so slightly.

And this veryfabulous individual is Blaft's very own Kaveri Lalchand. I'm not sure if she's had any tropical diseases but I do know that she sings Bon Jovi's 'Blaze of Glory' with an extraordinary amount of feeling and she once sent me this notebook that's apparently made from elephant poo and I'm still not sure how I feel about that but anyway, she is smiling and holding the magazine very effectively at Charu Nivedita's story, because we're all one, big happy family at Blaft.

3. We are very pleased to have some work from The Artist Formerly Known as The Artist, who took my piece firang and painted it on this vase type bamboo type possibly not bamboo type vase type thing.

I think it is so very much the fine. More so because The Artist was going through a no-profanity phase at the time and must have struggled while painting words like 'cowcunts' on the vase type bamboo type possibly not bamboo type vase type thing.

4. Sometimes things just sound way better when you add a lot of guitar to it, case in point, this version of Boom Boom Pow. The same guy has done a metal version of Benny Benassi's Satisfaction, which is also pretty awesome. There is also a good cover of Toxic but it sounds a lot like Static Lullaby's version. Toxic is a song which I feel sounds so much better when it's sung by a post-hardcore screamo fellow.

5. Last but definitely not least, apologies are in order. I would like to extend my deepest and most profound apologies to the people who came to this blog looking for-

a) free hottie in bikis- Is this some kind of biscuit porn? Or is it some kind of movement to free hot young things that are trapped in bikis? I wish I knew what a biki was. I really do.

b) good Lord cutting hair lyrics- The good Lord is not cutting hair on this blog. He is also not cutting hair lyrics, as far as I know.

c) shalini actor bybay fuck- Why? Why are you looking for a bybay fuck? Why?




Anonymous said...

I'm going to Madras next week and I will definately be looking for penny frogs on Mount Road...

Snigdha said...

Prawn, prawn, Caeser was a pet prawn...

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ anonymous- please let Tutuola know if you find any

@ Snigdha- prawn, shrimp same thing

eyefry said...

Well, none of that is a patch on 'horse wearing a sombrero', 'hairy mallu moustache pron', 'south indianmale to male fuking' and 'did author james joyce like the smell of feces'. Which is just a teeny flavour of the class of citizenry that haunts my blog. You have a long way to go, Manickavel.

(of course, the hilarious fallout of this comment is going to be that these high brow characters who're currently out looking for Mexican nags, furry sex and Joycian sublimation at my blog will, by the power of Google, now begin looking your way for the same guilty pleasures. How I love the interwebs. Bwahahahaha.)

kuzhali manickavel said...

hairy mallu moustache pron- maybe that's supposed to be 'prawn'. because i am at a loss to understand how watching hairy mallu moustaches getting it on would be haut.

eyefry said...

The thought of a hairy mallu moustache prawn is somehow frightening. How ungroomed does your moustache have to be in order for you to cultivate -- not lice, not ticks, but -- hairy pseudo-intellectual prawns in it? Sure, you'll always have a fun snack at tongue's length, but what of your effect on polite society? There you are, attending a book launch or a tea party, waving a hot biki at some wigged elder, twirling your moochie in righteous consternation, when out falls a hairy crustacean with raised antenna and a nasty addendum on the depreciation of literature among the tv-addled middle classes in Kerala nowadays. There'll be a public choking or two, I'll wager.

eyefry said...

btw, your short story had me on my knees and weeping with laughter.

kuzhali manickavel said...

thank you most kindly :)

thank you also for giving me this mental picture of a mustache that is crawling with lice, ticks and hairy prawns

Sarpvinash said...

at this festivus & furious rate, your next piece should do well in the Stockholm Syndrome magazine (For the Discerning Hostage).

kuzhali manickavel said...

that would be a real Festivus miracle.

Anonymous said...

lolll @ biscuit porn!!!!!

Scherezade said...

The last three remind me of why I should persevere through nonsense like "Case studies in Gestalt Therapy" for when I do finally get my degree in psychology the field will be lush with weirdos and cretins to extort money from by way of pay-by-the-hour-treatments.

We shall overcome.

Now towards reading your story.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ anonymous- i bet you there is biscuit porn out there. i bet you there is.

@ scherezade- i really wanted to study psychology once. but it was really one of those 'i watched CSI and now i want to be a forensic scientist' type things

Scherezade said...

Excellent decision not to follow up on your initial ideas. It is a painfully confusing discipline. Mostly a bunch of geriatrics arguing about egg-or-chicken sort of stuff.
What most people find interesting is psychopathology/abnormal psychology (Criminal Minds typa cool stuff)which is only one of the many many sub-sub topics. The rest of it is made of such nonsense as cerebrovascular attacks and ergs and social contextualism and factor analysis.

None with a single redeeming feature just the overt desire to induce fear in perfectly normal people and make them pay exorbitant hourly rates to treat things they probably don't have, to begin with.

kuzhali manickavel said...

-None with a single redeeming feature just the overt desire to induce fear in perfectly normal people-

i know many people and television shows like that


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