Saturday, March 27, 2010

Conversations- Disturbing Things

K- I can’t even talk right now. It was So. Disturbing. I can’t even tell you how disturbing it was. I am so disturbed by how disturbing it was.

S- Well I have to go anyway so-

K- Ask me what was so disturbing.

S- Actually I have to -

K- I watched ‘Imprint’! It’s a Japanese horror movie type thing that they wouldn’t show on American T.V. because it was so disturbing!

S- I don’t want to hear about it.

K-
Yeah, it was pretty disturbing. I don’t think you could handle that much disturbingness.

S- Cool. Anyway, have to go now so-

K- Call me later and I’ll tell you what was so disturbing.

***


K-
You never called so I thought I should call you myself to tell you what was so disturbing in the Japanese horror movie type thing. There was this scene where they tortured this geisha-

S- I don’t want to know.

K- Don’t tell lies. You DO want to know but you’re putting scene.

S- I’m not putting scene, I really don’t want to know. Let’s talk about non-Japanese horror movie type things.

K- Can we talk about geishas?

S- No.

K- Can we talk about Japanese culture?

S- What do you know about Japanese culture?

K- I know about geishas. Let’s talk about geishas.

S- If you even say the word ‘geishas’, I’m hanging up.

K- But geishas are a part of Japanese culture, it’s racist not to talk about them. Hello? Did you just hang up on me?

***

K- Hi. I don’t want to talk about geishas.

S- Glad to hear it.

K- Can we talk about sewing?

S- What in God’s name would you have to say about sewing?

K- I want to talk about needlepoint. I want to talk about how there are needles in needlepoint.

S- So?

K- There are also needles in the torture scene in the Japanese horror movie type thing and they stick them into this woman’s-

S- No.

K- But I didn’t even say ‘geishas’!

S- You can’t talk about needles anymore.

K- Can I talk about incense?

S- No.

K- Fine. Then I won’t tell you about how in the torture scene in the Japanese horror movie type thing they burned this woman with incense and - Hello? Did you hang up on me again?

***

K- You hung up on me again.

S- What part of ‘No’ do you not understand?

K- I thought maybe you meant ‘Yes’ when you said ‘No’.

S- You’re not allowed to talk to me about geishas, needles or incense.

K- Then you talk about something.

S- Ok, let’s talk about who I saw today. Remember that girl from college who used to eat six samosas everyday?

K- The one with the twin?

S- No no, remember she would never share because she said she would faint if she didn’t eat six samosas a day?

K- She had a twin, no?

S- No.

K- Funny you should mention twins.

S- I didn’t mention twins, what’s wrong with you?

K- There was a parasitic twin in the Japanese horror movie type thing which was actually this little face in the middle of a hand which lived on this geisha’s head don’t hang up on me. Hello?

S- Yes?

K- You didn’t hang up on me!

S- That’s because I wanted to tell you that you’re not allowed to talk to me about anything ever again.

K- Can I talk about this little girl with blue hair who had a parasitic twin living on her head if I don’t mention that the little girl grows up to be a geisha? Hello? Why do you keep hanging up on me, it’s really rude.

*

an edited version of this appeared in The New Indian Express Zeitgeist Supplement, Multiverse, Conversations, March 27, 2010

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's a cruel world that won't let a person talk about geisha torture : )

kuzhali manickavel said...

hi anonymous :) maybe it's racist to talk about geisha torture, i don't know

Ess said...

I want to know what happened to the girl who ate 6 samosas.

kuzhali manickavel said...

hai ess :)

the girl who ate 6 samosas a day grew into a woman who ate 6 samosas a day. this is a very unexciting answer but life is unexciting like that sometimes

A. S. Patric said...

Funny.

What I liked best about it though was this feeling that there's some things we don't want to know about but still get forced on us by the nature of the internet, media, etc. I'm not sure how deliberate this was, but the best stories are open to interpretation. There's also this need we have to communicate whether anyone's interested or not, whether we've got a message or not. Beyond all these possibilities it really is a great piece of writing. All dialogue, (which isn't easy) and funny as hell.

Great work Kuzhali. I really will have to buy your collection. Shame it's not available in Australia. I'd love to sell it in the bookstore I work in.

kuzhali manickavel said...

a.s. patric, thank you very much for reading and the kind words, much appreciated :) we don't have distribution in australia right now but you can buy the book direct from my publishers.

Sarpvinash said...

(Irrelevance alert)
I know you were concerned (as we were all) about the LL situation but this is how it all panned out:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2010/apr/01/lindsay-lohan-child-trafficking

kuzhali manickavel said...

sarpvinash, thank you so much for the link. this article is filled with so much epicosity that my heart has exploded and my only hope for survival is that lindsay lohan will make another awesome trip to india to save us poor, third world souls whose hearts have exploded because of her sheer epicosity.

but but

"they knowingly allowed her to travel without a work visa, a decision which might now see Lohan blacklisted from travelling to India."

OH NOES! WHO WILL SAVE US NOW????

Anindita said...

Enjoyed much. :)

kuzhali manickavel said...

hi anindita, thanks very much for reading :)

Lenny said...

I think you are my new favourite person. Can I cut open your head and look inside your brain or is that too disturbing a level of disturbingness?

kuzhali manickavel said...

hai lenny, thanks for stopping by and saying nice things :) cutting open my head and looking at my brain is not only disturbing but would also be very painful for myself so let's not do that

 

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