Friday, March 5, 2010

Story in Best American Fantasy 3 and Other Things Also

Pimpage Department

Hai Everybody! Did you know that at one point, Nithyananda was trending along with Justin Bieber? Anyway, I want to say that I have one number story called Flying and Falling, which first appeared in the most excellent publication Shimmer and is also in my collection Insects are Just Like You and Me Except Some of Them have Wings and is also included in the Best American Fantasy 3 anthology, which just arrived by the awesome postman to my corner of the world. I think maybe some of you are thinking, why she is in the Best American Fantasy book? She is not American. This is so true. And yet, there I am along with Stephen King and a lot of other people who have superimpressive bios. You can buy it here if you have no qualms about dropping about Rs. 700 plus shipping for a book.

Other People's Pimpage Department

Have you bought the book Daylight Robbery by Surender Mohan Pathak yet? No? Why? But why? Why haven’t you bought it yet? Is it because you don’t have trick playing cards? Don’t afraid baby! When you buy a copy of Daylight Robbery, you get free trick playing cards also, which is really neat. So buying the book solves your trick playing cards dilemma and also gives you a book to read that people have read and enjoyed like anything. Have you bought it yet? No? Why? But why? Why haven’t you bought it yet? Is it because you don’t have playing cards?

I Am Having Doubt Department

Is Savitha Bhabhi really a symbol of women’s empowerment? Does that mean that when you watch porn where a gay or a disabled person is brought in for the express purpose of fucking everything “because they want to” so that other people can get off you are actually empowering the gays and the disabled? More importantly, does this mean that when you watch unicorn porn, you are empowering unicorns?

Why isn’t Wilbur Sargunaraj more famous?

What will they do when they are finished blaming rape, sexual harassment and sexual molestation on women’s clothing? Will they blame our footwear? Will they say that women who wear bathroom chappals are “asking for it”?

Why is it that when South Indian movie heroes wear something weird they are being stupid and South Indian but when a hip-hop dude wears something weird they are being badass?

Why is it ok for you to name your pets after “this like Hindu God thing” but it’s not ok for me to name my dog Jesus?

Why is it that on the Youtube Videos Being Watched Now section, there is always someone watching clips called Aunty Fully Oil Navel Hot Raping Underage Servant Girl BoobSlutSari that are 7 seconds long? How many of these 7 second clips do you have to watch to get off?

Why do some Indians living in India in our present time write like they live in a Charles Dickens novel? Why do they use words like ‘egad!’ and ‘I care tuppence’? Do they actually say these words when they talk? Like if they get walloped in their soft parts, do they say ‘Oh egad I care tuppence!’

Why is ration sugar sometimes yellow? Are people peeing in the ration sugar?

I am not going to ask why your story is about a Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things where all the girls get raped and raped and raped and raped and raped and everyone speaks some foreign Muslim language which makes them sound like they all have massive brain injuries because hey, that’s just how those crazy foreigners talk, right? I am not going to ask about this because people write this kind of stuff all the time, possibly because they believe that the chances of someone calling them on their bullshit are very slim to nil. This is why so many craptastic stories about “foreigners” get published. However. I do want to know why you would say that legions of white peacocks flooded the skies each dawn and alighted on everyone’s front lawns in the Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things. Legions of white peacocks? LEGIONS? FRONT LAWNS? WTF, are you on drugs? Is this sci-fi? Are you on drugs?

Why are poor people in India referred to as the ‘Real India’? Does that mean non-poor India is this conglomerate of unreal magic people? That’s actually kind of awesome.

Why would you claim to be a magazine interested in seeing more of us awesome, exotic international writers but you will only accept postal submissions? Why will you not accept carrier pigeons? Or the Pony Express? Or smoke signals?

Musics Department

Now that summer is coming to burn us all to death, let us welcome it with awesome retro disco hits from the bygone yesteryears of the nostalgic memories of the olden days.

Malayalam Retro Hit- Ullahsa Poothirikal

This song is awesome because the dude is kind of doing the funky chicken while holding electric guitar and it has slow-motion running and jumping in garden and Yesudas sings with full feeling. This song should be covered by The Jonas Brothers.

Tamil Retro Hit- Mappillaiku Maaman Manasu

This song is awesome because it has two Rajinis, the house looks like a cake you might dream about when gripped by the delirious fevers, there is a random girl doing Bharathnatyam around everybody and P. Susheela is singing with full feeling. This song should be covered by The Leningrad Cowboys and Otep Shamaya.

Hindi Retro Hit- Oowee Oowee

This song is awesome because it has a man with a pipe in it but he’s not beating on any women, there is a girl whacking herself in the face with a rose and it’s hard not to sing along and feel like everything is awesome possibly because Zoheb Hassan is singing with full feeling. This song should be covered by Lady Gaga and Kid Sister.

okbai Department

I also wanted to mention how much I liked this podcast interview with Zadie smith and this clip from The Annoying Orange but blog post is already too long.



rgc said...

I am going to buy your book. This post however, is brilliant in so many ways. I like how you state points about issues that we must be bothered about. And what's with ParisReview and postal submissions? I agree, lets protest/ban/burn some things now.

Wrote something similar about depiction of foreigners in Indian movies on my blog :

Space Bar said...

congrachoolations! this part of the world is suddenly full of the fantastic - i am also having many fantasies these days. i never want to wake up.

plus, you should always rant.

Sharanya said...

Oh, forgot - more applause for the inclusion in the anthology! Wow!

Sharanya said...

*Applause* for the doubt department.

soin said...

please read by blog..whatey song by wilbur.. genius..nothingless.. in our circles he is worshipped..and are you writing like a full fledged novel or something? and you on twitter?? handle

kuzhali manickavel said...

thanks all louly peoples for reading :)

@rgc- yay, please buy my book! also thanks for the link, i think this kind of thing does happen on both sides, where you're not really interested in portraying people as people.

@ space bar- hey thanksya :)

@ sharanya- thanks, i am appreciating your applause i say

@ soin- am not on twitter, no. i am also not writing novel. i even blogged about how i'm not writing novel

Aishwarya said...

I disapprove of this not being on twitter.

Please join. And make friendship.

Congratulations on the Best American Fantasy inclusion!

Sarpvinash said...

Have you "arrived"? It is very important to "arrive". Because when you are in an anthology with Stephen King you have arrived.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ aishwarya- thanks very much ya. i don't know about twitter, i fear it might become like my FB page which has many strangers and spambots who want to leave coffee and hearts on my page because they got it just for me. mea culpa, of course.

@ sarpvinash- i don't think i have arrived. unless i have arrived without me.

Blaft Publications said...

It is as usual a mindblowing post (thanks for pimpage dept. of course but also music dept. I enjoyed!). But: I'm confused about the legions of white peacocks. Did somebody really write a story like that? If they did and if you are really that mad about it why you are not telling the name of the story and author and publisher and calling the person out on their bullshit and therefore increasing the odds of the calling-out-on-bullshit-happening from slim-to-nil to P = 1? Are you just too nice? Or are you making up the legions of white peacocks alighting on everyone's front lawns as like an exaggerated caricature of the usual things that go in the Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things and then you are just poking fun of your own peacocks? Oh dear, I am sorry the peacocks have got me all confused.

kuzhali manickavel said...

tanks louly blaft, i am so heppy you are the enjai the musics :)

regarding your confusions, i am very sorry to report that both the legions of white peacocks and the Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things are things i have actually read. i have read many such wondrous things but these two sorta stuck with me. i guess i'm not calling anyone specifically on their bullshit because i'm young and i want to live and also because being disruptive of other people's foreign fictions is apparently very terroristy and kuzhali manickavel good injun

Blaft Publications said...

ok ok. i get the peacocks now. while i respect your youth and desire to live i suspect that the authors of said peacocks are probably not such violent characters. but i guess you never know.

kuzhali manickavel said...

i dunno, it's hard to call bullshit on someone when they and other members of certain writing communities don't think it's bullshit. it's like the emperor's new clothes, only you can see they are the nudies

Annie said...

'does this mean that when you watch unicorn porn, you are empowering unicorns?': I am also having massive doubt about this type of doubt.

kuzhali manickavel said...

hi annie, it is certainly a most massive doubt type doubt

Scherezade said...

yer post be killer and yet filled with wysedom, I trow!

kuzhali manickavel said...

I verily thank ye verily verily
For thine words like shoures soote
The droghte of March hath perced to the roote
And bathed every veyne in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;

Scherezade said...

Vertu makes really expensive phones, doesn't it?

kuzhali manickavel said...

they do, epic bling.

i wonder how many kidneys you'd have to sell to buy one

Sara Crowley said...

Love this post. Is it cool to quote from it on my blog please? The part about the Muslin Village of No Good...

kuzhali manickavel said...

hey sara crowley, awesome to see you here :)

please quote as you will. i just hope no one comes after me with a legion of white peacocks

Sara Crowley said...

Muslin Village - one covered in plain weave cotton.

kuzhali manickavel said...

i heard those are often misrepresented

samit said...

you are so awesome.
(Sobs uncontrollably)

kuzhali manickavel said...

zomg it's samit basu! hai :)

zomg i made samit basu sob uncontrollably

i am sorry i made samit basu sob uncontrollably


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