Saturday, July 24, 2010

khelona. johnny johnny joker. mastana. johnny johnny joker.

Holla back if ya'll remember this Shwetha Shetty blahstu from the pahstu! Also holla back if you remember the days when Suchitra Krishnamoorthi was known for this song! Holla back for Sharon Prabhakar! Parvati Khan! Rock Machine! Holla back if you read the word 'holla' and think it is a Punjabi word! Holla back for all the peeps who refer to bhangra as Sikh dancing!

And now, All The Indians Of The Indias, Please Aware!

The proprietor of Sona-Chandi-Plutonium Chywanprash, Paras Sharma himselfs brings us glad tidings of Madness Mandali. What it is? What do they want? Will they take our kidneys? All those questionanswers are addressed in this mysterious mailer which has been copypasted and given down in the below. I think this must have come from terrorists because it has terrorist writing in it.

What is this Madness मंडळी?
Madness मंडळी is a maha mash-up of creative minds each of whom express themselves uniquely. But when their powers combine - the results are bound to be crazy!

Okay so do you guys have any ideas?
Of course we do! In fact we're currently compiling a book of art and poetry, visual poetry if you may

Visual Poetry means?
Means ke, first we compile a bunch of poems from poets then our artists read them and come up with illustrations that visually represent the poems. Nice no?

Nice, but what will you do with all these entries?
We'll compile them and publish a book of course!

Mother Promise!

Two words...Self - Publishing. And three more...Print on Demand! It's so eco-friendly, Captain Planet cried!

Will Madness मंडळी own my work if it gets featured?
Rubbish, you still own the copyrights...we'll steal your kidney though...Kidding...Not!

Sweet, how do I participate?
If you are a poet - send in your 3 best poems. If you are an artist - show us an example of your art work. Mail us your entries at Last Date for entries is August 20th, 2010.

Having further questionanswer means please head over to their FB page. Also, how awesome is the little dude in the logo! He's like that little plankton dude from Spongebob only much more zen and musical and mustachioed. It is also important to note that while the plankton dude is completely nekkid, the Madness Mandali fellow is having a lion cloth, in keeping with Indian traditions and cultures.

And now, eating a fetus. This is one of those things that ideally, you should never do in your life, particularly if it's a human fetus. In fact, one must try and be as aggressive as possible about not eating fetuses. But sometimes you think to yourself, eating a human fetus sounds like a really good idea right now. Here are a couple of things that recently made me feel like eating a human fetus.

1. Illustrious folk who would like you to explain the Indian caste system to them in 30 words or less. Seriously. And when you can't, they don't understand WHY you can't because they honestly believe that casteism is just racism only it's spelled differently and it involves Indians. I honestly believe that unicorns shit rainbows but whatever. It's a truly studlywudly thing to reduce all forms of discrimination to some form of EuroCentricAmericanCentric racism. It's kind of like how all food on this planet is essentially a sandwich. Really it is. It's a fetus sandwich!

Lady Gaga Telephone Sandwich

2. The faction on the left that accuses you of being 'Americanized' and the faction on the right that accuses you of being 'Exoticized'. That makes me want to eat two fetuses.

3. People who hate Bollywood because it's not Hollywood. Which bears a striking resemblance to those folks who hate writing in regional languages because it's not English writing and those who hate regional music because it's not English music. That's a hard situation to be in, especially when you live in India. So all I have to say is have a fetus, you'll feel better. And don't worry, it's not an Indian fetus, it's an English one. Also,

funny animated gif

And now, PUPPEH PICTURE! The puppeh in question is Mia. And this is what happened when she got a copy of my buk.

Mia is neither smiling nor holding the book effectively. In fact, the book seems to have made her depressed. Was it the profusion of vomiting in teh fictionz? The fully fuckfuck languages? The rather high 'wtf' factor of so many of the stories? Or was it because she is a puppeh and maybe not that into reading? We will never really know because like a lot of difficult foreign people, Mia does not speak English. However, I am pleased to note that later on, Mia was able to appreciate the book a lot more when she started eating it. Maybe you should try this too. Buy the book. And if you don't like reading it, you can eat it.



WiseDonkay said...

KM you are not only one of the awesomest writers I know of, you're also SUPAH cool because of your love of Shwetha Shetty.

We promise to send you a free copy of the book with a poster of our Mad Manoos :)

Much thankness

shruti said...

HoLLer!! Because I remember them all! Everyone of them, even Parvati Khan. You left out Peenaz Masaani, but it's okay because her name's really weird. Like all ours.But maybe more, because it's got a pee in it. Oh, did I grow up, who said?

The sandwich guys and especially the cha cha cha or aaja-aaja copy aunty has given me an eye twitch looking at her. Last time, the little toothless wonder going 'racist, racist' did the same. You like doing this, dont you?

And the Puppy, oh the puppy. She does truly appreciate good writing.
I've been wanting a puppy for ages, and after much thinking what her name should be was resolved for certain after I came across the simply most wonderful chicken song,(with super bonus dapangoothu). It was to be Mia. But now there's already another Mia. Oh well, I wish her much licking and love, because my Mia is as yet imaginary.
Oh louve, louve. Thanks for such laughs ya.
Oh, and I see sona-chandi chyawanprash man's been busy. The Mandali sounds fully fun. If only I wrote poetry. Why always, there is bias For poetry and against fiction? That right hand/left hand peepals also informed me of poetry competition to celebrate beating off takeover by Big Google. WHich is super-clap wonderful(wow!) I said, but why not also have fiction in issue? No replys.
Hau a grett weekend I say!
HAVE to add: verification word today is 'ingst'. It's totally amazing.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@paras- aw, tanks :), don't mentionness i say. also, i have reserved space on door for mad manoos poster because my walls are racist and casteist against posters being stuck on them

@shruti- i LOVE gifs :) also, mia apparently has developed a fondness for pulling books off the shelf and eating them. i guess the bright side to this is that she obviously likes books.

WiseDonkay said...

@Shruti - Fiction book is the next project. Maybe we'll start an online magazine or something. Who knows? We picked poems because we could get more people involved in fewer pages :P

Scherezade said...

Holla Holla!

Which is very different from "pola pola" which my mother keeps using when she talks to yogurt. Some type of north indian thing it may be.I tend to say Hola Pola as an homage to my latin and north indian roots which are weirdly chestnut actually.

Sharon Prabhakar is wonderfully wonderful. I worked with her about 2 months ago. I like women who refer to their cars as bonecrushers and despise much of the human race.
This mandali is all sorts of happening.

Shalini George said...

It's an entire new language you have here. IT's like reading a foreign language and I get to understand it too. :-) I am new here. and enjoying it too.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ scherezade- im not going to ask why your mother talks to yogurt. i reallyreally want to but i won't. also, your sharon prabhakar anecdote reminded me of a tyme in my littleyouth when i watched her on the televisionary television, singing 'i hate myself for loving you' and she was doing some kind of jersey shore fist pump and running round and round in circles. round and round sharon prabhakar went. round and round and round and round.

@ shalini- hai and welcome, glad you are the enzoi :)

Scherezade said...

You reallyreally should ask. Then I would tell you that she talks to yogurt for the same reasons that she defrosts the kitchen towels and hangs the chicken out to dry. Shrinks are the mad only.

kuzhali manickavel said...

womigad! also, how comforting to know that shrinks are just like you and me except they are the mad only.

Davin Malasarn said...

This post has too many words I don't understand, and I can't find an image of the American flag anywhere.

This post also made me hungry, when I'm not sure it was supposed to. Don't tell, but I imagine human fetus as tasting like a particular dim sum dish I sometimes order that is very doughy and slippery on the outside, and has a little slippery shrimp on the inside.

kuzhali manickavel said...

hai davin :) if it makes you feel any better, i dont really know what a lot of the words mean either. deewana and mastana and khelona are hindi and i dont know hindi but i like hindi music which i guess is like saying i don't know anything about foreigners but i love their culture.

i find it disturbing that you imagine a raw fetus would taste like something that is already cooked.

also, what are you doing in your blogger pic? are you hanging pieces of paper to dry?

Davin Malasarn said...

I'm hanging pieces of deewana and mastana out to dry. Or, actually, they're pages of a book, come to think of it.

kuzhali manickavel said...

how very exotic, is this how you traditionally read books in america?

also, i thought i should tell you that someone mentioned to me that they thought your description of fetus-eating was accurate and they felt it probably tasted that way too.

i just thought you should know there are more of you out there.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kuzhali,

Got here after a friend suggested reading your blog.

I liked your absolutely unique style at some places (at some others, I just could not understand, not because you wrote 'ununderstandable stuff' but because of my limitations in understanding english) , liked your initiative 'Bring Injuns home' and now I want to read your book 'insects are like us ..' as well.

But having said that, I wouldn't be honest to myself if I didn't say I found your human fetus fetish sickening. I know you write for yourself and internet is thankfully uncensored. But that doesn't stop me from letting you know what I felt (especially since you allowed anonymous comments).


kuzhali manickavel said...

hai anon, thanks for reading :) not sure where you got 'human fetus fetish' from. that section was about other issues and how i find them slightly maddening, it was not so much about fetuses. also i think i make it pretty clear that i believe people should NOT eat human fetuses as a general rule. hope that doesn't stop you from buying the book tho.

annie said...

Heavens! Johnny Joker. And also 'Love-ology'. And do you remember Ila Arun's 'Vote for Ghaghra'? Personal favourite.

kuzhali manickavel said...

i DO remember vote for ghaghra! was very fond of it myself and i remember asking a friend to translate the lyrics for me and she said the starting was about a girl eating a carrot and someone hit her or she hit someone and i said, ok no need to translate.


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