Saturday, January 29, 2011

'Down the stairs? Well, don't stop when you get to the basement. Keep straight on. Give my regards to the earth's core. And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress.'

This blog post title is taken from the Mrs. Richards episode of Fawlty Towers. I think it speaks for itself. Anyway, Republic Day came and went and as has come to be the custom with Independence Day and Republic Day in this onenumber country, one tends to look at all the increased security and have thoughts that are not necessarily ‘I love India’ but more ‘I wonder who’ll get bombed today’ and ‘I wonder who has threatened to blow up who or what today’ and ‘I hope no one blows me up today’. Clearly, this is what the spirit of India and independence and republicness is all about.

Anyway, RuPaul’s Drag Race!!!!111!!!! Season 3 !!11!!!! You betta WERK!!! How I love this show. And because I love this show, imma list my fav quotes from this episode so I can look back on them later on and enjai like anything.

-Everybody knows who Yara Sofia is in Puerto Rico. And if you don’t, then sorry darling, this is not your world.
(k- I’m going to start saying this to people. Sorry darling, this is not your world.)

-Girl. Prison, honey.

-She wasn’t giving us sexy, she was giving us crazy.

-I think your breasts are throwing your balance off.

-Alexis, a little Ann Margaret she was giving me today.

-Girl don’t blow your nose on the fabric, bitch.

-You never want to be upstaged by a papier-mâché snowman, you know what I’m saying?

-The lipsyncing is starting to get a little violent. Shangela’s lampshade has become a weapon. 

I was informed that there are not enough pictures on this blog. So here's one picture.



This sewing machine is one of those things that was bought because it seemed like a good idea at the time. We must reflect on what exactly the situation must have been like for the purchase of an 18th century sewing machine to seem like a good idea. Anyhoo, this machine hasn’t been used very often and when it has been used, it has been full of phail- I used it once and I felt the same sensation I get when someone makes the mistake of putting me behind the wheel of their car (which, I guess, also seems like a good idea at the time). It all looks very interesting and there are neat gadgets which I am appreciative of, but I really have no idea what I am doing and yet, I feel like that shouldn't stop me also. Anyway, the common diagnosis is that this sewing machine hasn’t been used properly and so, it’s sort of gone bad. It is a monument to the corroding power of potential that is never used but continues to just sit there. This is the Biff Loman of sewing machines but also, not really. I hope to set it on fire one day. If I do, I will take picture and post it on my blog.

Here's another picture.


See this nice angle and andy? I have no idea who they are. I have a photograph of them but I have no idea who they are. How did this happen? Once upon a time, an illustrious person (who would later send out 2007 New Year greetings in 2011) was once staying in Manipal hostel premises. And every year, various hostelites would leave behind English novels/random books after leaving the hostel, possibly because they are excess and unnecessary luggage. And this illustrious person, being someone who would later send out 2007 New Year greetings in 2011 (?!!??????), would collect all these orphaned and abandoned books and take them home. This photograph was in one of those books, but which book I cannot say.

For some reason, said illustrious person did not have the heart to throw this photo away so she left it in there. And everyone who borrowed the book said ‘hey you left this in here’ and she would say ‘it isn’t mine, you can throw it out if you want’ but no one ever did because there's something very sweet about the picture, no? So it just kept changing hands because nobody had the heart to throw it away and nobody knew what to do with it either. Eventually the book and photo parted ways and the photo was stashed along with someone’s photo collection because sometimes things like that happen. And then, it was remembered that I have blog so there was this brilliant idea to put it on the blog and see if maybe someone knows who this andyangle is. This brilliant idea is both absurd and notabsurd because the English reading populace in this area is kind of incestuous, although not nearly as incestuous as the English writing populace in this area, which is so much into the interfucking and inbreeding that it’s pretty much fucking itself. But that happens with so many other writing communities also. Inbreeding and Interfucking- it’s what community is all about.

So if you can somehow prove that this louly andy and angle belong to you (I’m not sure how you would do that tho), I will return this photo to you. Or I might just ask you to right click and save it and then I will take it down. This will be a big bulb if it turns out to be the picture of someone I know. Actually, the more I think of it, the more this seems possible.

I was also informed that there aren't enough positive/happy things on this blog. So here are things I find funneh or just like to look at. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are positive. 


Pablo Francisco' s Strippers clip- 'This is a job man, don’t be makin’ those noises and shit!'

Margaret Cho’s Mom on the Answering Machine- ‘If you don’t pick up the phone, then you gay.’



Bus Driver clips from Lil Miss Jocelyn- '5, 6, 7, 8, Cor, Blimey, Geezer, Mate'


Vadivelu clip from 'Winner'-  'Venda. Valikithu. Azhathiduven.'

Super Karate Monkey Death Car clip from News Radio - 'But Jimmy has fancy plans! And pants to match.'



Horse Outside by Rubberbandits- 'Fuck your Honda Civic, I’ve a horse outside' 

I was alsoalso informed that there is just not enough of a lot of other things on this blog. And I was like, oh fuck off.

okbai.

ps- i almost forgot! another positive/happy thing

stolen from somewhere on jezebel.com

11 comments:

Banno said...

Well, at least your 18th century sewing machine has some antique value, and it's decorative too.

I traded my 18th century sewing machine for a plasticky 21st century one, and it is still Phail.

I'd like to claim andyangle, without any proof, if I may.

kuzhali manickavel said...

-I traded my 18th century sewing machine for a plasticky 21st century one, and it is still Phail.-

this is very distressing. recently a very worthy acquaintance was gushing about one of these 21st century models and she said 'oh, it just does everything! it has everything!' so i'm assuming it had internetz and that sort of thing, which the 18th century model clearly does not. maybe you should set your phail machine on fire.

also, if no one claims andyangle i will gladly send them to you if you promise not to throw them out

scherezade said...

When Christian Bale's monstrous head is swallowed by his own large intestine, it will be left to Sir Ryan to rescue the Bat franchise.
You sent new year cards? I am filled with, like, respect for you. So much respect. Ah. Respect.
A positively hideous yet wonderful line is also "Bats! Bats everywhere!" as relayed by my formerly mobile friend in a text message long ago.
Though I doubt it is so much a line as it is a swarm with bats. Coz one never hears of them entering in lines. For all their rigorous discipline of hanging upside for hours, they show anarchist like behavior when they potter about. Its almost reminiscent of the south american footballing populace.
Bale, of course, is an immoral toad who is forever doing lines with barbaric swarms filling up shebeens of west hollywood.
The treacherous fools! Bale, footballing latinos, bats & west hollywood; all of them!
Leave me red with rage, they do!
So the point is - I have much respect for you.

Sharanya said...

I lou how even in that interview with you, that You Mad gif found a place. You should be buried when you die just so that it can be on your tombstone.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ scherezade- butbutbut i didn't send the new year cards, the illustrious person who found the andyangle picture did, does this mean you no longer respect me? also, bats keep coming into my current place of residence and i feel they wantingly swoop at ones face, just to psyche one out. fecking bats. mr. bale cut his hair, did you see? he no longer looks like jesus, which is comforting to a heathen like me

@sharanya- this is a very good idea, it shall be done! oh how i love that gif. i would post it here in the comments if i could because i hardly ever post it on teh blog

scherezade said...

If I had bats in my current place of residence I would gladly consider putting them up the nightdresses of life insurance agents sending me 4000 text messages with inspirational egg-quotes & ruining my life to pieces.

Exhibit A:
If an egg is broken from outside force -"A Life ends"
If from inside force -"A Life begins"
Outside force? Inside force? What is this, a class in Newtonian Mechanics?
So the point is - Bale must be lynched.
You are a heathen? I have so much respect for you. Respect.
We must get together and burn things. Because a) it sends out a political message b) pyromania is the new Bipolar. Like so cool etcetra. As a mental health specialist who never was I can vouch for this.

kuzhali manickavel said...

let me do one thing. next time bat comes inside i will parcel and ship it to you so you can do the needful. it appears to me that these life insurance agents are using tactics lifted from The Exorcist, except instead of 'the power of christ compels you' it's 'the power of the egg compels you to buy life insurance'. which admittedly is not very catchy.

we should totes get together and burn things, i shall bring the sewing machine. but we cant lynch mr. bale because i want him to have my babies.

scherezade said...

Those little bales would just go around spinning yarns then. So we can't burn the sewing machine. There is a possibility of starting a nightdress factory

kuzhali manickavel said...

-Those little bales would just go around spinning yarns then.-

i think you may have just won an internet for this.

scherezade said...

Yes! I always wanted an internet. Ah! The things I could do with my life now. Watch erotic activities of american soccer moms.
Watch piano playing cats who look like Hitler. Watch erotic activites of american soccer moms who own piano playing cats who look like Hitler. Update my inability to procure the right kind of jasmine scented detergent on multiple social media sites. The possibilities are endless. This could be the beginning of something truly wonderful, far away from the world of mads I inhabit currently.
As Marlowe once wrote - "am down with hood team, yo!". If you ever consider acquiring nasophilia or something equally vile, you can avail of free therapy.

kuzhali manickavel said...

you can also watch

duane! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9MnF3BMCmY)

unarians! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdRz4jVvRps)

unarian duane! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2teJnf-bcaI)

 

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