Monday, August 29, 2011

i hate people who are against india and support corruption ‘like’ if you agree!!11111

You know how there’s these groups on Facebook that say JOIN ONLY IF YOU REALLY LOVE INDIA AND ARE TRUE SON OF BHARAT MATA and the allcaps scare you and stuff so you hesitate to join and then all these peeps are like ‘wtf, why didn’t you join the group you fucking terrorist.’ So then you poke around the group a little and you find comments like ‘kashmir belongs to india all muslims should remember this is HINDUstan’ and ‘clearly this aruna roy female is lesbian for opposing jan lokpal’. And so you’re like ‘um, no don’t want’ and peeps are like ‘JOIN THIS GROUP OR I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE’ and you start sobbing and saying ‘Gawd I don’t want to die’ and they’re like ‘JOIN THIS GROUP OR I’M UNFRIENDING/UNFOLLOWING YOU ON ALL SOCIAL NETWORKING PLATFORMS AND I WILL TELL EVERYONE WHAT A BAD INDIAN YOU ARE JAI HIND’ and you become fearful for your life and stuff?


So anywaiz, I’d like to share some of the highlights that made AnnaHazareIssue really neato for me. Because that’s EXACTLY what this country needs right now, another AnnaHazareIssue blog post. So here it is, My List of Salient Features which made AnnaHazareIssue Salient For Myself 

 1. It made Bipasha Basu say this in Twitter- ‘Ppl's outcry under Anna's guidance should not go deaf.The govt has to reach a dialogue and show that they are sentimental towards the ppl.’

2.      Illustrious acquaintance received illustrious sms requesting us to show support for AnnaHazareIssue by turning off all lights. IN THE DAYTIME YOUGAIZ!!111 How can anyone see you are showing support if you turn off the lights in the daytime when there’s like fullsun happening in the sky and stuff? What about all those people who are just turning off lights because it’s daytime and they are actually not in support of AnnaHazareIssue and simply they are acting in misleading manner? Wtf yougaiz. Anyway, the real question is, did I do this? Was I a good Indian? And the answer is…um…..HELLZ YEAH!!111 And you know what?

from here
Please clicky the chicken to experience the epicness of the gif. Also, if nothing else, the lights knew I supported AnnaHazareIssue and maybe that's what is really important here.

3.      There were times when one looked at the supporters of this anti-corruption movement and one said ‘YAY JAI HIND YAY NO CORRUPTION YAY PRETTEH CELEBRITIES YAY LOOK IT’S…wait, what? WTF are they doing there? I thought this was ANTI corruption movement. WTF YOUGAIZ!!111’. This is where I would have liked to say something about a certain illustrious individual with a ponytail but I’m scared of being sued yougaiz.

4.      When people call you Anti Indian for not supporting AnnaHazareIssue, it sometimes sounds like they are calling you Aunty Indian. That is like so weird and confusing, especially when you see gentsfellow being called Aunty Indian.

5.      Despite the fact that a number of people wrote articles “against Anna”, it was Arundhati Roy who once again wins the You Make Me So Mad I Want To Eat My Face award for making an alarming number of our populace like so mad yougaiz. Granted, she has a bit of an advantage since hating on Ms. Roy is one of our favourite national pastimes. I think so it is only rivalled by playing carroms and enjoying the casual consumption of roasted groundnuts and other various pulses. Also I think many people were getting Aruna Roy and Arundhati Roy mixed up here but since peeps be hatin' on both it weren't really no thang ya'll.

6.      Sometimes you know what would happen? A stupid person would say ‘I don’t know about this yougaiz…’ to a group of rabid AnnaHazareIssue supporters. And said stupid person was immediately requested to provide a “better plan”. And because stupid person did not have A Better Plan To Get Rid Of Corruption In India in their pockets, they were requested to shut up their mouths jai hind. Sometimes they were also told to ‘go back to Pakistan’ which is very dated but lolzworthy nonetheless.

7.      Voicing criticism of the AnnaHazareIssue apparently meant you loved corruption because it’s like SO. HAUT. Conversely, supporting AnnaHazareIssue meant you loved India and were incorruptible and hated corruption even though you have indulged in corruption activities but you couldn’t help that because India is like that only. I think it’s like those love songs where the lyrics are like ‘I hate myself for loving you but I can’t help loving you because I love you but I hate myself for loving you.’ Or something. 

8.      The Gandhi cap made a comeback yougaiz! 

9. Fasting made a comeback! Even though Irom Sharmila has been fasting for about ten years now, it took this kerfuffle to make fasting haut enough for certain illustrious and informative sites to write about how fasting is good for health and will make you sexy apart from being an effective tool of democracy.

10.  I thought I knew all about corruption because I’ve had to pay bribes yougaiz and it was like so unfair and totes hurt my feelings. Then while actually reading about corruption and all this other stuff, I decided the whole thing was too complicated and I was like wtf WAY easier to just turn those lights off in the daytime, no? Yes.

And now, I would like to end this by saying why yes! This IS yet another uninformed, negative and useless nonsense blog post written by yet another elitist, English female blogger who knows nothing about the Real India, nothing about the issues at hand and only knows how to sit in front of computer and criticize one of India’s greatest movements against corruption. Still, I feel like this shouldn't stop you from buying my book or buying my echapbook. Ideally, you could buy both. Also, I just remembered that I actually wanted to write about porn and instead I wrote blog post about Aunty Indian filled with lustysexual feelings about the corruption. Maybe that’s like porn in a way. 




Anonymous said...

Didjya really turn the lights off in the daytime? Really??? Was it fun for your face? Were you able to do anything constructive and meaningful in the aid of the nation with the lights off? Did you feel less corrupt when you turned the lights back on? So many things I am asking, no? Pliss answer ya and pliss turn off your computer to show some s'port and respact also.

Sachita said...

- is the chicken dancing for rakamma kai thatu?

Also i joined a group called i dont like arundati roy long after I joined 'I luv kuzhali manickavel.' Just saying.

scherezade said...

too right, kuz em. too right.
back in 1941 when my mr.gandhi and i [me?, can't ever get this right ] were fighting the israelis [or was it texas? can't quite recall at the moment. it's been a while ] for our freedoms, there was no such book of faces as we have today. organizing revolutions was a knicker chaffing job and involved the unnecessary burden of getting up and going out and *shudder* doing something. and all of it made me foam at the mouth with insane rage.

now, thanks to that kid from The Wonder Years [Zuck his name is I believe. it rhymes with a certain inappropriate sexual act. though,in all honesty, what *doesn't* rhyme with inappropriate sexual acts?] you can revolve and revolt with a click of the mouse. aside from the fact that mice are possibly disgusting and sank the titanic and our good lord with it, this is most convenient and efficient.

p.s: there is a polyamorous commune gathering in delhi this winter. whaddayasay?

p.p.s: i'm listening to ennamo yedho as i type this. in concentration that'd confuse any passerby into mistaking it for a Wagner piece. pride.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@anonymous- definitely felt less corrupt and more patriotic when I turned the lights on. I will most certainly with happy heart turn off the computer if I get illustrious sms asking me to do the same in aid of our nation jai hind

@ sachita- aw, lookit you saying nice things to me on teh internetz :) eckshully I think chickenz is dancing to ‘aasai nooru vagai’ but being a very public sort of fowl, it is open to dancing to anything because it regrets nothing

@ scherezade- ohai holmes! I agree, how exactly are people expected to be revolutionary if there’s no facebook group for it and you can’t ‘like’ it yougaiz??!!! also polyamorous commune gathering you say? comeawn I say.

Aishwarya said...

Madam I have noticed your unpatriotic diminishing use of facebook. Please correct at the earliest.

(I will also be at this commune in December.)

longblackveil said...

Hello. Your broaching the topic of Kashmir as the centre-piece of this post made my eyes go moist, and a certain chokey feeling gripped my lower throat and there was a catch in my heart region. That is how pathetic we are. Yayyy.
So, I know a lot of Aunty Indians but most notable was Kamal Hassan in a cross-dressing role in the '90s. That was the shiznitz, y'all.

In summation all I can say is my Reader feed smiles when it sees a Kuzhali update.

PS: Am thinking up many conspiracy theories due to casual mention of 'polyamorous commune,' by the Princess above - which phrase one has heard while sleuthing around in the past... I shall delve deeper into this.

Okay, bye, thank you for the fishes.

rolled_monk said...

your real name is kuzhali manickavel? It is a beautiful name...:D

Antilocalparty said...

Boss i also exactly wrote about lokpal people like you only. you should read also and leave comment.

Afamefuna said...

hahahaha !! yeah right ! turn the lights on in the day ! i think it would have helped if they had just started the 'turn -the-fans-off' rally .. at least there would be some asceticism involved. And like you know indians totalllyy loveeee anything that involves sacrifice ...and for corruption even better !!

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ aishwarya- facebook is too scawy yougaiz!11 also when I saw last I noticed so many people are unfriending me and slight feelings happened but then I realized I didn’t know them anyway so I was like whatever. also you are coming to commune? comeawn I say.

@longblackveil- ohai dear :) I also smiles when I see you are commenting because your comments are neat yougaiz. also you also come for the polyamorous commune, no?

@ rolled_monk- thank you :) yes it is indeed my real name

@ Antilocalparty- haiboss! You are not the tea party? You are some other tea party? Thank you for the link, i shall endeavor at the earliest to read the same. If I fail to do so, please do not think badly of my family or my upbringing jai hind

@ Afamefuna- ohai! I like this turn the fans off rally idea very much and feel it will be most effective during rainy season when it is cold and some bleddy will try and turn on fan anyway because they are a bleddy and you say no, leave it off in the interest of patriotism #jaihindwinning

Anonymous said...

Dear Kuzhali Manickavel, I came across your blog by fullchance and like the chicken I also have no regret. Then I also read your book and loves it like anything. Even now, everyday I am reading it and loving it. I think you are the making India proud and also being patriotic. Poly is folly I say. Better means we let the communers commune and we have nice time in quiet place. We can sing songs and have cool drinks and nice buffalo wings. You will want to blog about it for days after. Please say me yes and make my night into day.

scherezade said...

more leddies joining the polyamorous commune, i say!

safe word for posting this comment is "capophe" which is like mixing cali and pope and pohe. the last of which is a breakfast dish from bombay.
like the pieces of a puzzle, it's all starting to come together.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ anonymous- what nicenice things you’re saying means fullyblushing I am :) maybe you won’t feel poly is folly if you come also and bring the buffalo wings with you

@ scherezade- I know!!11 also just invited one anonymous in the hopes that they will bring buffalo wings

sc said...

who says poly is folly? it's all holly dipped in octane, am afraid.
come around us, we will show ye.

also, hello to lovely kashmiri veil.

[the safe word is "playor". #facepalm]

scherezade said...

okie, so the blog didn't let me enter my entire name on the last camment. will you do the needful?

Sharanya said...

Is my pulse also an edible pulse, like a groundnut?

MarryMe said...

I want to join the commune also yougaiz because yo Kuzhali is marring me vary soon and how can commune happen without her wife.

MarryMe said...

I olso want to say that more than the corruptiontok and awl yougaiz, the chicken gif is making me feel sexylusty. I am feeling very discolightchickensexylusty for Kuzhali.

Sarpvinash said...

Why do you hate us? why?

also have you seen "Girl in Yellow Boots" ? a scene has a certain surprising denouement.

kuzhali manickavel said...

@sc/scherezade- hai dear. i think that if we keep talking about this on the internetz some illustrious news site will write story on rise of polyamorous communes among indian women who use the internetz and then news channels will have debates on how we are all against the indian culture #indianculturewinning

@ sharanya- hai :) yes, body pulse is like groundnut pulse except you can’t have the groundnut pulse while fasting. Can have bodypulse. But not compulsory sometimes also.

@ MarryMe- hai dear, yes you also comeawn also. That chicken gif does seem to have that discolightchickensexylusty effect on many persons I think so because it regrets nothing yougaiz

kuzhali manickavel said...

@sarpvinash- hai!11 have not seen but nice title it is having. also, in lieu of your unpatriotism, it behooves me to start a facebook page calling for a boycott of you and your ancestral property jaihind.

saathyagi said...

If I didn't know about the whole brouhaha and still turned off the lights, does it make me a default Anna Hazare supporter? Nevertheminds. They should ban words like jingoism and populism from the Indian English agaradhi. They kept popping up in my mind in the recent past, like songs in serious movie. But on a positive note, I think Shankar would enjoy making a movie based on this saga. Afterall, he is made a career out of the oneliner, 'one man steals back from the corrupt guyz and gives it back to the society'. And I think Superstar would be like, so apt for the role. Then we can all go watch the movie and forget about the whole message. Cynical, me? Nah.

kuzhali manickavel said...

-I think Shankar would enjoy making a movie based on this saga. Afterall, he is made a career out of the oneliner, 'one man steals back from the corrupt guyz and gives it back to the society'. And I think Superstar would be like, so apt for the role.-

maybe if all true indians showed our support for this movie by turning off our lights in the daytime, it will happen yougaiz jaihind!!11

Mous said...

Oh Kuzhali! Couldn't agree with you more. The polarity of the debate (if you can call it that) was one sided. I switched off both TV and mind after sometime. I was expecting you to say something about ze TV channels, their role in this tamasha, and a certain loud anchor.


kuzhali manickavel said...

ohai! i used to watch the tv channels when i was younger but now i am old and i simply don't have the strength to endure them like i used to. also when loud anchors get hysterical and "patriotic" it makes me throw up a little in my mouth

amruta patil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kuzhali manickavel said...

ohai! thanksya for reading :)

Anonymous said...

I want to be with this chicken. I want to be twirling in the arms of this magnificent chicken forever.

karthick r said...

I grew up watching movies like Jai Hind and Sethupathy IPS every Independence day and on every Saturday afternoons in Raj TV. Patriotism OD right from my pre-teens.
Aanaal, I somehow don't buy this entire drama of hitting the LIKE button to uproot a social evil.
Vaylaye Vada Sudum gang.
Similar peelings here and here. But no takers. People are busy in putting scene in front of like button hitting chicas'ya. what to do?
Signing off by saying #takethe25rubees

p.s: First time here. will be more regular. Nalla Tamil Peyar. :)

kuzhali manickavel said...

@ anonymous- that's what we all want yougaiz. to twirl in the arms of the magnificent chicken and regret nothing

@ karthick r- hai, thanks for reading and showing Tamil appreciation for my Tamil name :) I personally was huge fan of HonestRaj but that did not make me fan of hitting the 'like' button to uproot social evil either. maybe i watched the movie wrong. oh whale.


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